Notes on failure

True, I might be a prodigal daughter. When I became disenchanted with my Catholic school experience, I sort of fell away from the church. I've been thinking a lot about Divine Providence and I've noticed that every book I've read, every song I've listened to, basically every experience I've had has culminated to this very moment. It's just too bad that God won't talk to me on a mountain and tell me exactly what he wants me to do next.

Telling me that I've failed...well, this is the mentality of the oppressor. As humans, we are subject to a series of failures, that's just how life goes. And, right now I'm going to quote a Kennedy, in this case Robert F. Kennedy "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." Yes, I suppose I let Mark Romanek down (he had a horrible childhood) even though he was playing power games with me, but I have tried in earnest to apologize several, several times. Honestly Mark, I know you're a murderer and a thief, but yet I'm still trying to convince you there is a better way. I bet Jesus scolded you through the tv static, ergo your first film "Static." He only scolds the ones He loves. He did it to me too.

I do think that I'm being held to higher standard but then maybe that's because I'm facing the very gates of Hell on a daily basis. I do keep trying though.

You can never affect a lasting change by succumbing to the will of the enemy. It certainly didn't work for Res, but then again maybe she was afraid of you. I'm not afraid of you and I'm willing to go the distance.

To quote a Kirk Franklin song, "The race is not given to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. But to him that endures it to the end."

And this time, the him is a her.