"Let Go" by Kierra KiKi Sheard

(this is the chorus)
Everybody wants to let go
But somebody’s gotta hold on
The whole world’s going crazy
But somebody's gotta stay strong
It don’t look good for right now
But right now ain’t forever
Everybody wants to let go
But somebody’s gotta hold on

If We Are the Body

There's a great song by Casting Crowns that speaks to duality in the church (not any church in particular, ALL churches).

It was written to remind all of us that we are ambassadors of Christ during our short time on this Earth. And, through the church we function as the hands and feet of Christ.

It's crowded in worship today
as she slips in trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
farther than they know

But if we are the body
why aren't His arms reaching
why aren't His hands healing
why aren't His words teaching

And if we are the body
why aren't His feet going
why is His love not showing them there is a way
there is a way

A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row
the weight of their judgemental glances tells him that his chances
are better out on the road

But if we are the body
why aren't His arms reaching
why aren't His hands healing
why aren't His words teaching

And if we are the body
why aren't His feet going
why is His love not showing them there is a way

Jesus paid much to high a price for us to pick and choose who should come
and we are the body of Christ

If we are the body
why aren't His arms reaching
why aren't His hands healing
why aren't His words teaching

And if we are the body
why aren't His feet going
why is His love not showing them there is a way

If we are the body
why aren't His arms reaching
why aren't His hands healing
why aren't His word teaching

And if we are the body
why aren't His feet going
why is His love not showing them there is a way

Jesus is the way

Why I feel compassion for satanists

Well, it's all based on the series of experiences I've had.

I know, not all satanists are made the same but let me share notes on the ones I've met.

Some are lured in by the fashion, they enjoy wearing the darker colors. I used to, mostly because the hue (or in the world of art, lack of hue) black, is slimming.

White magic, ouija boards, psychics are all seen as novelties at least in the American landscape. However, they are spiritually damaging and are denounced in Scripture. It's a slippery slope argument, when they realize they're in it, they're told it's too late. It's not too late.

Many of them were abused as children and identify with albums like Slipknot's "All Hope is Gone." To which I have to say,if you have Christ, you will always have hope. They think that no one else understands their pain and become trapped in a cycle of abuse. Who better than Jesus would understand betrayal and abuse?

Some of them just wanted to be popular. Satan took Jesus to a mountain top and offered him the world. What makes you think things have changed?

Wilderness mentalities

It's true, I do get so frustrated by my situation but I'm trying to learn how to control my tongue and body with my mind through the virtue of prudence.

To cheer myself up, I just think of all the great stories I will be able to tell in Heaven. And, no one would believe me, but I'll have Jesus to back me up.

To quote another Kirk Franklin song, "We're gonna be just like Jesus when we get there."

Church last weekend

I question everything. But if you call Christ a "liberator," I'm down with that. My very name (Nicole) means "victory for the people."

Matthew 10:28

Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

I'm not afraid to die and I'm also NOT going to become a satanist, any other questions?

I fully intend to fight this until my dying breath.

Notes on failure

True, I might be a prodigal daughter. When I became disenchanted with my Catholic school experience, I sort of fell away from the church. I've been thinking a lot about Divine Providence and I've noticed that every book I've read, every song I've listened to, basically every experience I've had has culminated to this very moment. It's just too bad that God won't talk to me on a mountain and tell me exactly what he wants me to do next.

Telling me that I've failed...well, this is the mentality of the oppressor. As humans, we are subject to a series of failures, that's just how life goes. And, right now I'm going to quote a Kennedy, in this case Robert F. Kennedy "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." Yes, I suppose I let Mark Romanek down (he had a horrible childhood) even though he was playing power games with me, but I have tried in earnest to apologize several, several times. Honestly Mark, I know you're a murderer and a thief, but yet I'm still trying to convince you there is a better way. I bet Jesus scolded you through the tv static, ergo your first film "Static." He only scolds the ones He loves. He did it to me too.

I do think that I'm being held to higher standard but then maybe that's because I'm facing the very gates of Hell on a daily basis. I do keep trying though.

You can never affect a lasting change by succumbing to the will of the enemy. It certainly didn't work for Res, but then again maybe she was afraid of you. I'm not afraid of you and I'm willing to go the distance.

To quote a Kirk Franklin song, "The race is not given to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. But to him that endures it to the end."

And this time, the him is a her.

A Plea to P. Diddy

You know I saw you the other night on Access Hollywood (or one of those types of shows) and you were upset with gas prices because you now can't afford to fly back and forth on your private jet and you were talking about how you now fly coach.

Personally, I think that you should continue to fly coach and I'm going to give you three reasons why.

#1 It's "green" and the college kids will love you forever. You don't know the half of what the college kids were saying about "green" energies, at least at the campus event where I met Senator Carl Levin. It's a big buzzworthy thing to do and, hey, it's good for the environment.

#2 You flying coach would charm middle America. The poor can't really fly at all, yet. And, hey, George Clinton flies coach and he's pretty cool. I know because I was on a flight with him to Baltimore (I used to live in Baltimore, Maryland). You might just end up as being the highlight of someone's vacation.

#3 The third and best reason. You could funnel the money you save on fueling your private jet into creating Christian music schools in third world countries, like, say Guatemala. I've seen you wearing a cross around your neck, I know I have, and I think Jesus would totally be down with that. You could create a lasting legacy where you actually transform the lives of others (and hey, if it's Christian it would last for all of eternity.)

On losing weight

I've battled my weight ever since I was a kid. I go through phases of being extremely active, then extremely inactive. There was a point in time when I was really, really motivated and I was staying at the gym for over 2 hours at a time. I saw this chick in the gym (with her personal trainer) and she was doing push up with claps in between. That's what I would like to be, the picture of physical endurance.

I've prayed about it, but not consistently. For the longest time I tried to write it off because the phrase "my grace is sufficient for you" kept running through my head. I had a concordia, so I looked it up. It's the story where Paul has a thorn in his hand and he prayed about it 3 times, but God left it in there because he didn't want Paul to get proud. (I thought God didn't want me to lose weight!)

However, I'm going to try again and here is my perspective: If I'm going to clothed in glory, sweetheart, I want to make sure that it fits!

Push up the 5, push up the 2

5 loaves and 2 fishes He was feeding 10,000.

That's what KJ-52 stands for. Yeah, and IT WAS A MIRACLE.

Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven

Well, they should!

Let me just quote 1 Corinthians 2:9 "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those who love him." And, well, I love Him and I know it's a tricky situation for those "worldly" people among us because of their lack of believing in what they can't hear, see or touch.

So, instead of looking smug, Mr. James Hetfield, Mr. Michael Stipe, Mr. Chris Martin, Mr. Bernard Sumner (I really could go on and on), you should be repenting. Of course, this would require a major turnaround in lifestyle habits and way of life, but ultimately wouldn't it be worth it? I have to say, Michael Stipe you do come across a bit self-important when you say "the future is ours and you don't even rate a footnote," because sure, you're in Rolling Stone, the New York Times, blah, blah, blah...but is your name written in the Book of Life? I don't really know how old you are, Michael Stipe, but you're probably pretty close to 60, so what, another 10 years in the limelight? Don't you think it's time for a change? I'm sure you probably don't like it being said to you, but it's the truth and they say "the truth will set you free." I only tell you because I care. Last week I was PMSing and I got a little frustrated with my situation but honestly I don't want you to die, I'd rather that you change. I don't always say the right thing, but I'm quick to repent for it.

I'm never most likely going to be formally recognized by the Church as being a Saint, but ultimately I will become a saint in Heaven because that's what the citizens of Heaven are called. Wouldn't you like to come too? I had to ask my friend who teaches Bible school what the female saints did to compose themselves when they were PMSing. But he didn't know. But I do love my enemies.

Honestly, I don't mind dying in obscurity because I know where I'm going.

Painting 101

My freshman year of college I took an oil painting class and honestly, I don't know why anyone would ever choose to paint in any other medium because I loved it so much. I even stretched my own canvases, not well, but I did. I love the smell of turpentine in the morning. LOL. I'm not saying I'm the world's best painter, in fact, I'd say I wasn't that great at it, but I sure had fun doing it and I was fearless in experimenting with new color combinations.

I came up with the idea that every painting had to have a little story to go along with it, along with a sprawling, epic title, the first of which was known as "The Plight of the American Farmer." The story goes like this: it was a husband/wife farming couple, radish farmers and the husband was abusive so the wife set fire to the barn which was seen in flames burning in the background. The husband was holding a bunch of radishes, dressed in overalls, while the the wife lay naked at his feet. I am in no way saying that farming relationships are abusive, it was just a little story I made up out of pure fiction. During my explanation of the painting in painting class I couldn't keep myself together, I just kept cracking up, which probably in the end hurt me because I ended up getting a C in the class (although I never intended any disrespect).

The painting went on to having an entirely separate life. My boyfriend at the time had a roommate that founded the band Cosmoflow Permaglow (it was kind of a funk band) and I don't think he actually wrote a song about it, but he did take the time to present me with a bouquet of radishes on stage during one of their performances (which was completely unexpected). His boyfriend (yes, they were a really nice gay couple) then went on to paint a triptych based on my one painting (which actually went on to winning some awards).

It's time for a prozac revolution in the world of large print novelists

My grandmother sent me to the library tonight to pick up a large print book and man are there a lot of unhappy large print novelists out there. At first, all I could find were books about murder, deception and unhappy marriages. I'm not kidding! The first three books were a trilogy on bad marriages: "The Wedding Trap," "The Husband Trap," and "The Wife Trap." You people need a juicer and a good multivitamin too. I know, I shouldn't overgeneralize because I finally did come up with two books that were suitable and I picked them out on name alone: "Divining Women" and "Where There's a Will."